Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
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