I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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