Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
