he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
