Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
home. puking in laundry basket.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize