where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
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