have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
