I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
