i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
