If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
