why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
