Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
