I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
