dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
FUCK WHALES
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
