He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
2020 sucks, I want a refund
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
