just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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