dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
