i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Randomize
