I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
