what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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