Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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