if you like me you must not know who I am
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
