he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Randomize
