I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
