I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
