i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
