You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
My vagina is officially offended.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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