im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
