I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
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