Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
