wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
