a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Randomize
