this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
