But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
