She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
