weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
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