Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Dicks are not precious.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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