Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize