I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
