Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Randomize
