So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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