I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
this hospital has no fireball
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
