Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I just had sex on a roof
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
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