Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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