mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I've blown a few things in my day
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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