My hair reeks of homosexuality.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
