we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
