Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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