I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
