i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
