maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
