Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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