if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
