i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
