i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
