It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
