This girl is more easily done than said...
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
