Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Come on in and take your pants off
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