you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Don't make out with my wife yet
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
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