I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize