last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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