He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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