you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
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