oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
