and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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