God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Randomize
