i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Randomize
