would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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