Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
literally had 100 drinks last night.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
