your parents love me but you hate me
Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
