I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Just pee around me
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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