I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
