More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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